Not Settling

Adored.

2007-03-21T12:59:00.000-04:00

She felt him walk into the room.

She stopped typing, glanced up, and smiled at him.

Buenos días.

He groaned. Unlike her, he was definitely not a morning person.
He walked up to her (groggily, his feet seemed to weight a ton each), bent down, and kissed her forehead.

“Buenos días.”

She loves being kissed on her forehead… it’s so much more intimate. It’s her favorite kind of kiss. Kisses on the lips are fun and kisses on the cheeks are nice but being kissed on the forehead makes a woman feel precious, adored, loved.

She wondered if she had told him that before but didn’t think so.
“I bet he just knew”, she thought.

After all, he just seems to know everything about her.

Who's next?

2007-03-21T10:24:00.000-04:00

“Oh my God, can you believe it? She’s doing it… She’s getting married.”

I looked at my friend C.
Her face showed a mix of happiness, excitement, and…

Are you freaking out?

“How can you be so calm? One of our best friends is getting married!! Right now!!”

I know! Isn’t it great? Can’t wait to see her………. Oh, is my zipper all right? The seamstress kinda messed up the top part and a little bit of it is sticking out………..

We were standing by the door of the church, waiting for the bride [we’ll call her D], along with the third bridesmaid, R.

“No! It’s NOT great… I mean, I’m very happy for her and everything and I think LJ is so good for her but… it’s us… it’s always been the four of us… and now she’s getting married. We won’t get to see her anymore. She’ll become a married woman!”

[chuckle] You say it like getting married is going to kill her……

She was worried about things changing now that our childhood friend was getting married. She’s been stressing about that from the moment D got engaged.

From my point of view, nothing has changed.
Yes, she’s getting married – but I don’t think our friendship is going to be affected by that. The way I see it, how is getting married any different that living with a boyfriend, (when it comes to spending time alone or hanging out with friends)?

I mean, if you live with a boyfriend, which C is doing and I have done before, you pretty much end up spending most of your time with him. Still, it’s important to have some time apart and to have a partner that understands that and is okay with you going out with your friends by yourself (not always easy)… Does that change when you sign a piece of paper? God, I hope not.

On top of that, this is D we’re talking about. She’s one of those friends. The type of friend that, as a single girl, calls you almost every day of the week to hang out but pulls a disappearing act when she’s in a relationship. The type of friend that seems to be attached at the hip with her beau - Don’t expect to see much of her, much less by herself. This doesn’t make her a bad friend; it’s just the way she is. I’ll never understand it, but I’ve accepted it. The fact that she is like this, so different from the rest of us, hasn’t injured our closeness, which is pretty impressive. When we do see her, it’s f*cking great. We laugh and are silly and have fun and tell each others stories as if we were all still living in the same country and saw each other almost everyday.

“…Plus, she’s the first one of us to get married… Are we supposed to follow her lead? Are people going to start asking, ‘Who’s next?’”

Ah, C… bless her heart. I could see what was going on – She was worried about people asking HER if she’s next; She’s been with her boyfriend for almost five years and she’s starting to feel the pressure… the ‘what-the-hell-are-you-waiting-for-do-it-already!!’ pressure.

Stupid expectations. If two people are happily living together, if things are going great, if everything clicks, if they are content with the way things are… Why do people try to make them feel bad about not doing “what is expected”?

I’ve never been one of those girls that dream about getting married. I have never pictured it in my mind; I have never wondered about the location; I have never thought about what colors or flowers or music I want to have in it. That’s not me.

Don’t get me wrong. I do believe in marriage. My parents are still married after 30-something years and I think that’s a wonderful thing. I don’t take it lightly. It’s not a goal of mine, though. It’s not something that will make my life complete.

I still have too many things that I need to straighten up, figure out and do in my life. It’s my time to be selfish. Think about me. ME ME ME… I’m almost 27 but I feel so young and inexperienced when it comes to a lot of things… I still have a lot of traveling to do – there are still so many continents and countries I haven’t been in; I have to take those hip-hop and interior design classes I’ve been meaning to take (no, that’s not an oxymoron); I have to decide whether I want to stay in my current job or not; I have to get to the point where I can run more than two miles without feeling like I want to die…… so many things - accomplishing those will fulfill me.

Everything will be all right, I thought reassuringly as I tried unsuccessfully to hold back tears as I watched one of my best friends walk down the aisle.

A new beginning.....

2007-03-20T11:18:00.000-04:00

I'm starting all over again.

Some of the entries I'd posted before were a reflection of a period in my life when I was going through some rough times/experiences.
I'm not in that place anymore.
I'm actually... happy. Imagine that.

All of the old post are now saved as drafts. The good and the bad.
Tabula Rasa.

[...]

2007-01-25T10:48:00.001-05:00

half-assed -
–adjective Slang: Vulgar.

1. insufficient or haphazard; not fully planned or developed.

2. incompetent; lacking sufficient ability or knowledge.

Synonyms: aimless, brief, careless, depthless, hasty, hurried, passing, perfunctory, random, shallow, short, sketchy, sloppy, speedy, superficial, swift

I'm such a girl sometimes

2007-01-12T15:17:00.001-05:00

**Disclaimer: Mushy post coming up. Feeling kind of vulnerable today [PMS?]. Shut up.**

It’s so easy to forget the bad and unhealthy moments in a relationship when trying to get over someone. You’re doing fine and, all of a sudden, you start thinking of all the good times had. Deep down you know you’re doing the right thing – that relationship was going nowhere… After a year and 4 months of trying hard, of giving second (and third and fourth) chances, you reached your breaking point: you don’t have anymore to give. You’re exhausted. How can one person take so much energy out of you? If two people aren’t compatible, what can you do? Both of you hurt each other way too much while trying to make something work that just wasn’t supposed to and you know you actually felt relieved when packing up and leaving.

Still, no matter how much you try to keep your mind occupied, to go out with friends as much as you can, to even work extra hours just to keep busy, there’s always those moments when you’re alone and start thinking about how good it felt to have someone love you so much, to know one person is willing to do and give anything for you, to have one person that knows you inside out (every flaw, every quirk included) and still think you’re the most wonderful person on the planet.

Man, I need a hug.
A hug? Anyone?